As Special as a Woman

 The Statesman, March 2021

International Women’s day will be celebrated on 8^th March this year, and as always, one’s thoughts turn towards women. We reflect on their struggles, their achievements, and their sometime extraordinary lives. The theme for International Women’s day 2021 is -Women in leadership: achieving an equal future in a COVID 19 world. I laud some unsung leaders who take the reins of life firmly in their capable hands.

 The first are the girls and women who work in fields, or rear cattle, to keep their homes and hearths running. It seems an ordinary enough life, but in actual fact they effortlessly tackle a daily spectrum of tough challenges. Women in the hills rise early and take their goats for grazing on mountainsides. Armed with sickles, they climb up on trees to cut branches and leaves for a rainy day, while the goats contentedly graze on the grass below. They are compelled to go out and face the elements -rain, hail or snow, and maintain their balance on slippery slopes, to keep their herd well-fed. Not for them the protective gear that professionals or sportsmen enjoy - golfing gloves to grip smooth irons better or the cricket shin pads that save muscular legs from the thump of a hard ball. In the olden days, it was the men who were considered the hunter-gatherers, but women play that role now. A lady in our caretaker’s family, Asha Devi, once bravely snatched her goat back from the jaws of a leopard. Of course, the goat was cooked for dinner by the poor family as it was too badly injured to survive.

In the plains, many young women face perils of a different sort when they go to gather the crops. The predators here can have a more human form. One hears unfortunate tales of many a young girl who is accosted while out in the fields alone or harmed by a stalker whose feelings she didn’t reciprocate. Ancient drawings depict young warrior men heading home after the hunt with animal carcasses slung on their backs. Now we see young girls on village roads heading back with the household water carried on their strong heads and shoulders.

 In the urban areas too, very young girls are literally holding the fort. We had an eye camp in Khora colony recently at a school for underprivileged children. I was concerned whether the children would be able to carry their camp documents home safely to their parents and not lose them. The principal assured me that some children are so responsible that they manage their entire household, even locking the dwelling prior to departure, themselves. She narrated stories of young children who cooked and looked after their alcoholic fathers and other siblings after the demise of their mother. It was remarkable, as also a testimony to her commitment that these children somehow showed up at school daily, even with all these burdens on their young shoulders.

All these women, young and old, keep the wheels of life turning. Despite this, the prevailing social circumstances do not allow women to take pivotal decisions pertaining to their lives. Rigid stereotypes still exist of their destinies being governed by hookah wielding patriarchs sitting comfortably under trees while women face exclusion and marginalization in decision making.

The second group I would like to laud are the fearless and feisty women activists who have been at the forefront of several popular protest movements in India. Many have been subjected to media trolling, bullying by the local authorities and undeserved jail sentences. I have a deep respect for activists because of their high level of empathy for others and their sense of justice which makes them work selflessly. Among many others, we had activists like Pinjra Tod NGO members, Natasha Narwal and Devangana Kalita, fighting for the security of immigrants in far-off states, though they are themselves based in Delhi. I saw a news clip on Natasha’s father (she lost her mother as a child) where he speaks so fondly and proudly of his daughter’s gender related activism. It was very moving. Though many people stand loyally with family and friends through their upheavals; it is activists who are the refuge of strangers in trouble.

History is replete with stories of activists who made great personal sacrifices for the good of the community. Like Nangeli of Cherthala village of Kerala, a poor Ezhava woman who cut off her breasts with a sickle when she was forced to pay tax for the ‘luxury’ of being allowed to cover them (only higher caste women were allowed to cover their breasts in Travancore in those days, anyone else doing so, was taxed). Her actions led to the abolition of the tax.

What is ironical is that people who spend millions advertising their products and lobbying officials to increase their own net worth, are deemed ‘successful’ in society, but activists who work to bring in changes that improve the quality of life of thousands are held in disdain by authorities for their social lobbying.

 The third group I would like to focus on are housewives. A friend gave me a lovely definition of a mother as ‘someone who can contain you’. Indeed, housewives have been the glue holding large joint families together and the generous sponges soaking up the disappointments faced by spouses and children. Like alchemists they turn the nadirs in their families’ lives into opportunities, hope and even positive outcomes through sheer strength of effort and character.  Housewives work long hours without payment and even without adequate recognition at times. They learn to draw their sustenance from the welfare and happiness of their families. A recently released movie ‘The Great Indian Kitchen’ highlighted exquisitely the monotonous and relentless drill in the kitchen that some housewives follow day in and day out, till they are literally ready to drop with exhaustion at the end of a long day of chores.

In the times of the COVID pandemic housewives have faced exceptional challenges – increased demands on their time from family members confined to the home, the frayed nerves and tempers of relatives displaced by the turn of events, increased incidents of domestic violence and reduced outlets for relaxation for themselves (in the form of friends or outings). Yet they have soldiered on, graciously believing that they have not been singled out, that others are facing their own challenges during the pandemic. As always, they think empathically of others.

In the professional world, a lot of care and enormous amounts of time go into apportioning credit for work done, and dealing with the angst of professionals who feel they did all the work but someone else got the pay hike or promotion. Yet at home, the same detail of appreciation is rarely meted out by the ‘head of the family’ or other members to the Atlas- like woman holding up the family’s personal world on her shoulders.

On International Woman’s day 2021, let us celebrate each and every woman as a special being with an important role to play in the changing world. That means shattering the barriers that hold back women. Let us truly hope that this women’s day is a turning point where women find a greater respect for their voice, their work, their thoughts and get to realize their full potential.

Rape : a woman's fault ?

Fault lines 

The Statesman 

24 December 2012

Blaming women for the atrocities committed on them is nothing but a perverse denial that can extract a high social cost, writes anjali mehta
 
One of my patients came for a check-up and we got talking. He was a man I thought highly of, therefore I was deeply saddened when he made the casual remark: “In more than 80 per cent cases it is the woman’s fault when she is molested.” I was too stunned to speak so sat in silence while he recounted how women ‘defy’ their parents and stay out late at night, hang out with boys, wear alluring clothes and so on. He explained that by this deviant and provocative behaviour women brought on all this sexual violence upon themselves.
When he finished speaking, I told him I would like to ask him three questions and he must give me a patient hearing and answer them. To his credit, he did.

Question 1:
 In a classroom, a teacher goes out for a few minutes. In the teacher’s absence, most students continue their studies quietly. One child is bored. He talks to his neighbours and tries to induce them to indulge in some mischief with him, but they continue studying and largely ignore him. Feeling left out and irritated that no one is joining in his pranks, this child then gets up and goes to the chalk box and starts throwing chalks at everyone. The class is disrupted .The teacher comes back and sees what is happening.
Should he counsel the boy who threw chalks or should he counsel the neighbours of the boy who did not agree to play pranks with him, leading to his resorting to chalk-throwing?
My patient answered that obviously the boy who threw the chalk should be counselled.
We both agreed that the person who commits the wrong act is the one who is at fault.

Question 2:
A very handsome young man comes out of a popular gymnasium in his cut-off T–shirt. His aquiline looks and well-toned body win him many admiring glances from women. Two girls who know him offer him a lift and he accepts. En-route, the girls stop at a house, pretending to collect something. Soon many women come out of the house and he is forcibly taken inside and his clothes removed and body admired. Till this point he is actually half-enjoying the attention and feeling he must be as irresistible as the men in the Axe ads. Suddenly, the women start touching him roughly. At this point he begins to feel uncomfortable and feels that things may be going too far. He protests, only to find that his refusal has enraged the women. Two of them have been abused in childhood and they feel this is a good opportunity to vent their frustration and anger at what happened some years ago. They thrash him soundly for not submitting to them and leave him lying there. He is greatly bruised all over, thoroughly bewildered and angry about what has happened to him.
Are the girls guilty in this case for molesting the boy or is it his fault for being good-looking and toning up his body to be more attractive to the opposite sex?
My patient answered that obviously it was the girls’ fault.
We both agreed again that the person who commits the wrong act is the one who is at fault.

Question 3:
Indians, like all races, admire beauty. As P B Shelley said ‘A thing of beauty is a joy forever’. Since mankind came into existence, beauty has been considered a highly desirable quality in humans. Statues are lovingly and skillfully carved, poems are written, paintings done, clothing and jewellery designed, all as an ode to beauty. Beautiful women (both external and internal beauty), have been the inspiration for many a creative soul. The same can be said of beautiful men. Earlier folks seemed to know just what to do with beauty. They took it in their stride; they handled it well. Now beauty is deemed a distraction by some; an evil quality meant to cause man to stray.

Should we hope and pray that all our children are born ugly? Should we dress up girls and boys in sack cloths so that the vulnerable and delicate minds of criminally-inclined people are not pushed over the edge? Or should adults be more responsible for their own thinking and (mature) actions?
My patient answered that he hoped most people grew up with healthy minds and attitudes.

We both agreed that adults should take responsibility for their own thoughts and actions and not use environmental justification for misdeeds. We both felt beauty ought to be admired and not destroyed.

When we blame somebody else, it is a way of absolving ourselves of any responsibility. Till the time people continue to feel that it is a girl who brings this upon herself, they will not feel any great motivation to participate in the issue. The truth is however, different. A wrong has been done, in front of our eyes and we must right it and prevent more wrongs. We must not be mute and silent witnesses to wrongful acts perpetrated in our presence. We have to work together to change things for the better. All must contribute their honest share and might. We must worry not only about our daughters when they stay out late; we need to worry equally when our sons stay out late, drinking and partying.

Yes, common sense dictates that people, especially girls, should not be out alone in the dark at night. Common sense dictates that women should move about in groups and not consume drinks offered to them by strangers at a party as they may be laced. Yes, they should not take lifts from men. However, it takes a very unfeeling and brutal mind to conclude that someone should pay for their momentary lack of judgement or common sense with their honour or their life.

The writer is an eye surgeon

Will women in some Indian states go the way of the Dinosaur?

    

By     Anjali Mehta

Two categories of theories try to explain the mystery behind the extinction of the majestic dinosaurs that roamed the earth aeons ago.The gradualists feel that changing evolutionary trends such as competition with mammals and changes in vegetation and climate slowly eroded their numbers whereas catastrophists attribute it to one catastrophic event (a meteorite impact is usually cited) .

Seeing that the population of women in some states in India is steadily declining one needs to reflect (while it is still early days) whether some regional types of women too, could gradually become extinct? Regions lend their own special flavour to the entity we call woman. It would be hard to imagine our country without the brightly-attired women with their long veils from Rajasthan, the tall, fair sardarnis from Punjab, the recently succesful sportswomen from Haryana and so many others…

An observation of prevailing trends (the numbers are from reliable open sources) reveals that a woman’s very survival is challenged at many stages of  her life. This is more so in the poorer socioeconomic strata and in some parts of the country. For some women, it requires the right combination of luck and sheer tenacity to reach adulthood safely.

The first hurdle looms even before birth :

The illegal practice of letting parents know the sex of the child before it’s birth, continues. It has been found that first pregnancies usually are not aborted, but second and third pregnancies are. An overwhelming number of aborted fetuses are female.  A recent study in Lancet  found that sex selective abortions are on the rise in India. The National family health surveys have found a similar trend. Sex-selective abortions are more prevalent in the northern states .

Apart from the aborted foetus , the mother is also at definite risk. Although the MTP act has made nearly all types of abortion legal, for various reasons , more than seventy percent of abortions are carried out under unsatisfactory conditions in small, poorly equipped, unsanitary clinics run by inadequately qualified owners. Such abortions frequently lead to maternal mortality due to sepsis or undue bleeding .India has amongst the highest number of abortion related deaths.

 Challenges at birth :

The birth of a baby girl is not a unanimously joyous event in our country. Some families view girls as a social and economic burden and kill newborn girls with impunity. Some in desperate conditions carry out this act to save their girl from a possible future of pain and hardship. Convictions occur regularly for all manner of crimes but how many deaths of infant girls have been seriously investigated and how many parents convicted? Almost none. The rampant female infanticide is reflected in dwindling sex ratios. The average sex ratio for the country (rural and urban) is 940 women/ 1000 males. Some states are well below this averageand the concentration seems to be around Delhi (866 ), Chandigarh (818), Punjab (893) and Haryana(877), with Haryana having the lowest sex ratio among all the states (only the union territories of  Dadara(775) and Daman and Diu (618) have lower ratios). That the the capital of the country and it’s immediate surroundings, where there is relative economic prosperity, should have these low figures is something to think about.

Challenges in the teenage period

The women who are born under more favourable conditions and thus escape this ‘unnatural selection ‘ reach a stage of enrolment in school and studies. Alas, every child does not have a carefree childhood. Many small girls are married off just after attaining puberty. Child marriages are still highly prevalent in Rajasthan, Uttar pradesh, Madhya Pradesh, Bihar and West Bengal (with Rajasthan being the worst offender) despite there being an act against this. Teenage pregnancies are associated with a much higher mortality ratio : twice as high in the 15-19 age group compared with early twenties. Some teenage mothers who survive may have damage to their still immature internal organs and become incontinent. This may lead to social shunning and neglect. Some unfortunate teenage girls are abducted and sold into prostitution. The life expectancy is shortened for girls in the prostitution circuit due to a combination of lack of hygeine, forced use of drugs ,injuries inflicted by violent male clients and sexually transmitted diseases, notably HIV. Some unfortunate girls are simply raped and killed outright.

Young adults in a cruel world  

After this gruesome attrition process during the earlier years the more fortunate women who are able to actually complete an education and reach adulthood relatively unscathed then enter the domestic phase of their lives. Everyone is familiar with the dowry menace in our country. The word “marriage license” seems to be a license  to start milking the girl and her family for money. Dowry deaths are as prevalent in the educated  and (supposedly) thinking classes as among the poor.Although there is some conviction rate for this ghastly crime , it is clearly not enough of a deterrent since it is still widely prevalent and seemingly on the rise.

Motherhood

For the woman who makes it past these hurdles, to the state of motherhood, it’s not safe passage as yet. The odds are still stacked against her, specially if she is poor. India boasted of one of the highest maternal mortalities in the world in the earlier part of this decade.The latest statistics show some improvement (212 according to the census commision) but we still have a long way to international targets : 109/1000 by 2015 . Amongst the states, Assam, Uttar pradesh and Rajasthan seem to have the highest maternal mortality figures (480,440,388 respectively-as per Govt. of India statistics 2006) The reasons for this alarming statistic range from social and cultural beleifs and practises to poor infrastructure. Notable are: still prevalent child marriages leading to teenage pregnancies, unsafe delivery and abortion, lack of good hospitals for skilled care in rural areas, poor basic health of women leading to easy susceptibilty to infection and many others. When we realise that the supplementation needed in pregnancy consists of the very economical iron and folate tablets and two tetanus injections, the unnecessary sacrifice of maternal life seems very poignant. It is even more ironical when we consider that India is fast creating a good name for itself internationally in medical tourism.

Beyond motherhood

It seems that only at menopause does a womans fate appear to be a little more secure. However now the combination of her advancing years and the woman’s propensity to neglect her own health while looking after her children, husband and in-laws, make her more susceptible to the general problems of old age.

Will our women be saved?

The government, non governmental organisations and even individuals have been carrying out various initiatives around literacy, health and incentives for the family of a girl child .  But this clearly is far from enough. We need to reinforce some actions and make imaginative changes in those measures which don’t seem to be working. We also need to change social perceptions and unkind mindsets.

Attention should be focused on the states which have high maternal mortality rates,low sex ratios,high percentages of child marriage, and poor literacy levels (Jharkhand[56%] , Bihar[53%], Rajasthan[53%], UttarPradesh[59%] and Arunachal Pradesh[59%] have fairly low literacy levels for women) .The states with multiple risk factors are at greatest risk of losing their female population (some northern states fall in this category) and  should be attended to on an urgent basis.

Female infanticide should be taken seriously as a crime and concrete arrests made. Recently, there were arrests in the capital of those parents who had fraudulently tried to secure admissions for their children into universities. Surely, killing also merits parental arrest. When a death is reported from a particular area ,the village must be also put under surveillance. Awareness and counselling programmes should be undertaken to prevent more such deaths.  This could be the responsibility of the district collector.

Alongside, the danger to girl babies must be removed by taking measures to ensure that girl children are not seen as a ‘burden’. Dowry should be abolished on a war-footing. Propective brides and grooms should give written undertakingsthat they are not indulging in monetary transactions before they are bestowed with a legal marriage licence.Generous incentives should be provided to the family who has a girl child. It should be ensured that all girl children are highly literate and employed. Thousands more scholarships should be instituted for girls’ education especially in the vulnerable states.

The child marriage act has not been enforced at all and convictions are unheard of. The current punishment of three months in jail is not meaningful.The government should instead impose a stiff economic penalty on people defaulting. This should be divided and borne equally by the concerned girl and boy’s parents. Apart from the deterrent value,the government would also earn revenues which could be used for more schools for girls and their overall welfare.

Basic health care and good transpot facilities should be provided so that all women have access to at least one good hospital within half hour distance away. The village Sarpanch should ensure that all households in the village are aware of where to go in a gynaecological emergency and should ensure that some means of transport is available.  Iron and folate tablets should be distributed in an organised manner just the way Anti-Tubercular and Anti-AIDS  drugs are being distributed - perhaps the same channels can be used.

We need to bring about a social change in the way marriage is perceived. Currently, too much importance is given to marriage and it dominates many aspects of our lives. In some cases, the growing up years seem to be little else than a preparation for the inevitable marriage. We should ensure that childhood is a rich and multidimensional experience for our children. There should be counselling  in schools about not thinking about marriage during the formative years. Children should be encouraged to develop their talents and personalities, not to attract a good mate but to realise their own highest potential. Marriage should merely be one of the many aspects of a person’s life. It should not be a social stigma if people choose not to get married and prefer to just remain bachelors. People should neither pity (nor for that matter envy) those who choose to remain single.

At an individul level, each citizen must be aware of these issues and try and help in any small way possible. This could include educating a girl child or counselling a known family not to marry off their girl children early and helping them arrange a vocation for the girl instead. Parents should hesitate to offer their daughters in marriage to any family bringing up the topic of money. This can only lead to grief later. All parents must sensitize their sons and daughters to these matters at an appropriate age. Equality of the sexes should be stringently emphasized and practised in our daily lives. Parents should take greater responsibility in ensuring the safety of their girls and not sending them to cities to work unless they are absolutely certain of the credentials of the accompanying escort.

 Women should be empowered at the school, family and social level in every way possible. An example should be set at the highest level by tabling and passing the women’s representation bill in Parliament.

For each person who does not care about women there are many who care deeply. Such people should come forward, in thought and action to help preserve and nurture our women……

The princess and the burden

(Sunday supplement, The Statesman)

Women in Marriage and Society





As a young captain in the army, my duties included attending to officers, other ranks, and their families in the MI (Medical Inspection) room. Several of my patients got to know me rather well and opened up to me.Sunita, a newly-wed, lively, warm young Bengali lady talked a lot to me and referred to me as elder sister. One of my saddest moments was when I carried Sunita’s burnt body in my arms in a helicopter to a big hospital in a nearby town. She did not survive.

An official probe revealed foul play on the part of her in-laws. The husband, having found out he was sterile, felt she was of no use to him as he could never father any children. He felt she was an economic burden, nothing more. Economic burden remained indelibly etched in my mind. How could anyone so charming and vivacious be perceived as a “burden”? It is with Sunita and the word burden on my mind that I share these thoughts with you.

This article deals with women, both young girls and adults, especially in relation to the institution of marriage.


Childhood…

Think of a little girl born into an affluent and educated family. The chances are that she will be her parent’s “princess”, doted upon and made to feel special. Her parents and older siblings will cater to her every whim.When the little girl attends school, her achievements will be lauded. Over the years, her aptitude will become evident and accordingly she will choose a profession. Since she has had a firm grounding and probably has a lot of confidence, chances are she will do well at her job and be economically independent. The milestones in her life follow a pleasant and predictable pattern and given life’s ups and downs are overall reasonably satisfying.

Now imagine one of her poorer counterparts sitting in a small town far away. One of the commoner epithets she may become familiar with is “burden”. Everything, right from the moment of birth, seems to focus on the all important word “marriage”. Parents feel less happy to get a little daughter as they think she will be a problem to look after, her marriage will entail much expenditure and ultimately she will go away and become part of another family.


Even we in our role as doctors sometimes find that a girl patient’s parents preface the medical history with “after all she belongs to the tribe of women” or “you know if this is not cured/removed she may face a problem with finding a suitor”. Sometimes some parents may not want to ‘invest” much time or effort in a daughter’s development as they feel the daughter will belong to someone else’s family in the long run whereas the son will, in all probability, stay with them all their lives. Occasionally, a young girl may overhear a careless remark from relative expressing fears that this or that imperfection may mar her chances of securing a good husband. The worry about the future may even be to the extent to cast a shadow of gloom every time the future is contemplated.


Can such an obsessive pessimism be healthy? Imagine the sort of lack of confidence such an environment would foster on an impressionable little girl. Only a few would be able to escape the inevitable low self-esteem that would rear its unwelcome head. The girl’s only fault is that she was born in a less well-educated and poor family .If, instead, the emphasis could be placed on securing a bright future in a chosen field and aiming for economic independence, then girls may become more focused and self-assured from the beginning.



Marriage…

The years thus roll by, the stage is set, the girl is grown into a woman; and its time to get married.

The “princess” may fall in love or her parents may exactingly look for an appropriate suitor and expect him to look after their daughter well. She may be lucky to get a family that dotes on her or she well may suffer a culture shock. In any case her expectations will be high from her husband as she is used to a lot of attention. Oftentimes, as she hails from a more affluent background, her husband would be able to afford an independent house and adequate staff.

If she is used to a large family, the loneliness of a nuclear situation may get to her and she may want that the partner gives her total attention after the office hours to “make up” for her being alone. If there are the pressures of a joint family, she is likely to have a good line of communication open to her parents. They will also have total involvement in her affairs and try to participate to their utmost in ensuring her well being. They will give her the support to take life head on and in her stride.

As for the “burden”: expectations on all sides sometimes become very high regarding “marriage”. The girl’s parents have some expectations as they have invested such a lot, sometimes overmuch, in it even to the point of getting into debt. The woman has been hearing about this term all her life so realizes its importance. Also, the inability to secure a good match for any reason tends to make the woman feel less self-confident and reinforces the feeling that she is lacking in some way.

Once a match is found and the ceremonies over, the married life begins. Nobody has really explained to her that it’s not an easy institution. There is not enough formal counselling on marriage. The counselling is mainly informal, in the form of personal opinions and advice from well meaning elders who may or may not have had a very successful marriage themselves.

Marriage is a very vulnerable time for women as this is a period of tremendous changes and adjustments in their lives. Adjustments to a sometimes large and sometimes demanding family, whose members occasionally end up attacking the woman and often do not judge situations impartially. The in-laws often don’t make enough of an effort thinking it is their ‘birthright” that the girl will adjust to them. The husbands fall into two categories;some who understand but cannot speak up against parents because of emotional ties and not wanting to hurt them and others because they just lack the courage or sensitivity. The girl’s parents are sometimes not willing to provide a secure home where their daughter can retreat.

At times, a lot of responsibility is suddenly handed over to the girl almost as if people were just waiting for someone new to walk in, on whom they could shift their tasks. Along with the effort of having to adjust to a new and sometimes unfeeling family and perhaps a pregnancy, it all adds up to an awful lot for any young woman to handle.

The “burden” may find a nice haven or ironically enough may be more accepting of a bad situation as she has been used to not being fully accepted all her life. In case the marriage is not working or there is harassment by the in-laws, the girl sometimes has no one to turn to, not even her parents.

The girl’s parents often don’t accept that something they have been preparing their whole lives for does not seem to be working. Because they have invested so much effort into it there is a tendency to try and salvage something which is clearly not in the best interests of their daughter. The girl is afraid, alone and overwrought with cares.


The way forward….

The “princess” and the “burden’ are not watertight compartments but are used as an illustration to make an important point.

We must all ask ourselves the question how we relate to any girl we are associated with - do we make her feel like a princess or a burden? And it is in no way a measure of who she is as a person but rather a measure of how gracious, civilized and correct we are as a society. Our wholehearted efforts must go towards ensuring that a girl feels loved, confident and secure. Marriage and all that is related to it is important, no doubt, but it should really not be seen as the be-all and end-all of a woman’s existence.

Since much of the concern over what sex one’s offspring is, ultimately stems from the marriage factor, is it not prudent to have some education/counselling around this ? There is no formal training about some of the aspects that married life may entail despite its universality. There is just a lot of informal advice given by parents, friends and well-wishers.


The people who can play a tremendous role in shaping a girl’s existence are her parents. They should be the first ones to instill a sense of confidence so that the girl can take on any situation with courage and equanimity. They should see that she is financially independent and provide a strong support system in times of trouble. No one should shy away from this responsibility and blame the girl or society in general. The parents should not feel that after a girl’s marriage their responsibility towards her or the ties between them are in any way diminished. Instead as both age and a greater understanding and experience develops of life in general, their relationship should only get stronger with each passing year.

Much less importance should be given to the institution of marriage at a young age. Any references to it should be withheld till the age of 16-18 years and more emphasis placed on getting educated and well-trained for a career and self-reliance. Thereafter, there should be counselling on marriage, clearly enunciating the inherent problems and responsibilities. Social studies in school curricula should include topics like nuclear families, joint families and the inherent strengths and problems of these. Men should be sensitized to the issue and asked to place themselves in the girl’s shoes. They should be made to realize how difficult it would be for many of them to function if they had to live permanently in the girl’s household. Colleges should employ counsellors who give advice on marital issues and not just careers. The legal aspects of marriage and their rights must also be made more widely available as information to women.

To conclude, we must ask ourselves whether we are a nation of exemplary citizens where each of us parents has the courage and sensitivity to make our own little daughter feel like a princess and protect her with all our might. Or are we a nation of criminals where we just shrug off another murder and say ‘the girl was merely a burden?”