There is much at stake in the US abortion debate

 The Statesman, 11th May

The Roe versus Wade 1973 judgement, which helped legalize abortion in the United States, is in danger of being overturned by their Supreme Court justices. This is rightfully causing great consternation. If reversed, it would deprive women of the right over their own bodies, thereby infringing their constitutional right to liberty. It also impinges on their right to life; pregnancy-induced physiological changes render a woman more vulnerable to morbidity and death; therefore, the choice to be a mother must be hers. Criminalizing abortion forces women who seek it (for a multitude of compelling social and personal reasons) to get it done quietly in unsafe conditions thus putting their lives in danger (4.7% - 13.2% of the maternal mortality which currently stands at 152/100000 live births internationally is due to unsafe abortions). As per WHO research, 45% of the overall abortions performed are unsafe as they are carried out surreptitiously, in countries that have officially made it illegal. This cohort of women therefore unfairly gets excluded from the excellent advances in medical science that all other citizens enjoy. The right to an abortion (medical termination of pregnancy) on demand is available in only about 27% countries though many do allow it on various medical and social grounds and almost all countries allow it as a life-saving measure. In Ireland, the right to abortion was introduced only in 2018, after the public outcry following the preventable death of Savita Halappanavar who was not allowed even a life-saving abortion. The upper time limit of legal abortion ranges from 12 till 24 weeks (these decisions are based on age of viability of the foetus and maternal safety). In India it is thankfully allowed till 28 weeks (with some caveats).

Rescinding any hard-won welfare measure for women is grossly unjust as it forces women to keep going in circles, while men progress forward linearly. Once born, a human is protected under several human rights laws. Insistence on special rights for a foetus before its birth creates unnecessary judicial tension and confusion. For example, no such ‘rights’ are accorded to the artificially fertilized eggs in petri dishes in medical establishments (which are thrown away/ used for medical research after one amongst them is implanted in the woman) for childless couples availing of in-vitro fertilization. Also, a law aided coercion of women to carry pregnancies resulting from rape or incest, totally ignores them as being a victim of a heinous crime. The Geneva convention unequivocally categorizes sexual assault and rape as war crimes. Today there is conflict (and assaults by army soldiers/guerrillas/terror groups on native women) everywhere. Is it ethical to force women to give birth to the children of enemy soldiers?

There is blatant gender inequality in not having any legal binding on fathers (who are at liberty to abandon their pregnant girlfriends or the idea of fatherhood), yet not allowing a woman to change her mind about a lifelong commitment such as motherhood. The anti-abortion lobby must not ignore the enhanced risk of teenage pregnancies (a Lancet meta-analysis highlights that those mothers in the 15-19 age group have a 28% increased risk of dying as compared with those in the 20-24 age group and this is even higher for mothers aged below 15 years). Also,the courts are silent on the critical issue of the foetus’s rights on its biological father. It is imperative to put a legal onus on the father for lifelong parenting and fiscal responsibility when talking about the ‘rights’ of the unborn child.

The anti–abortion lobby focuses on the ‘right to life’ of the foetus. It is noteworthy that the earliest age that a foetus can survive independently is after 28 weeks when the lungs are somewhat capable of gas exchange (modern medicine can accelerate this somewhat). The lobby however wants a total full stop on abortion at any stage. Some believe that a ‘soul’ inhabits the foetus even when it is not physically viable. This is highly presumptuous given that no human can claim to be aware of what happens in the realm beyond life.

 Pro-lifers ignore the human right of women to choose what happens to their body and do not take into account situations where women may be mentally and financially ill-suited to raise a child. The quality of life of a woman changes with conception. Even before that, the overwhelming burden of contraception in most societies falls on the woman. Few men use the simple and widely available condoms with responsibility. Oral contraceptive pills for women can have side effects ranging from relatively milder nausea, weight gain and mood swings to the more serious susceptibility to blood clots (and the effects of embolism).

When a woman does conceive, there is a risk of morbidity and death before, during and just after her delivery. Pregnancy-induced nausea and vomiting, and gestational hypertension and diabetes are fairly common. Peripartum complications can have a lifelong impact such as Sheehan’s syndrome where many endocrine functions may be lost due to the blood supply to the master endocrine gland, the pituitary, being cut off. The mental anguish of those mothers that fall prey to severe post-partum depression is terrifying to behold. When women’s bodies and lives undergo such major changes after conception, is it fair or reasonable to deprive them of agency over their own bodies?

12-24% of all pregnancies end in spontaneous abortions, a majority of which are due to genetic malformations of the foetus. The parental contribution to this genetic pool is equal. Another factor is active and passive inhalation of tobacco smoke. How many family members give up smoking when their wives are pregnant? Some other factors are the mother’s ill health and lesser education levels, poor access to medical care and lack of proper rest. How many pregnant women are encouraged to stop tilling their fields or have the water from the well carried for them by men? When spontaneous abortions can be brought on by the actions of others or prevalent social mores, then why deny just the woman the right to safe abortion when she herself needs it?

Female foeticide is a flourishing evil and our country accounts for 40% of the females that go missing out of 1.2 million per year (China is ahead at 50%). It is no secret that women are sometimes subjected to clumsy abortion attempts by their own relatives. A patient I once attended to in the army MI room gave me a graphic account of how her mother-in-law tried to abort her pregnancy using the thorn studded stem of a rose plant. Relatives who indulge in such barbaric practices have hardly ever been arrested but if a woman legally seeks abortion herself, she falls foul of the law. Is that just?

These biased rulings denying women control over their bodies stem from patriarchal thinking. They are neither conducive to gender just order nor are they rooted in logic. They also are in total contravention to two of the four pillars of medical ethics -namely autonomy of the patient and beneficence. Why should pregnant women be excluded from receiving the benefit of two central tenets of medicine as well as its advances at a most vulnerable stage of their lives?

I sincerely hope the justices will acknowledge the risks a woman goes through to bring forth life, and support her wholeheartedly in her pregnancy-related choices. Most importantly, she cannot be forced to spend her entire life dealing with the outcomes of sexual assault on her body rather than realizing her own potential and dreams. 

The virus that won’t go away

The Statesman, 10 July

The ‘new normal’ is a term we often see used in journalistic writing nowadays. It pertains to the drastic changes in lifestyle and work pattern brought about by the corona pandemic. There is one area though, where another pernicious virus lurks that is fairly resistant to eradication – the virus of disparity between the genders.
Across diverse fields, women have been judged harshly, have had to struggle harder and have been compensated less for the same amount of work.

Consider sports. Several youngsters, like my son, enjoy playing and watching basketball. Though there are slight differences in the game for women and men, such as the ball size and the distance of the free throw circle etc., the hoop height from the ground is the same – ten feet. A fancy trick in basketball is ‘dunking’ where the player jumps up and literally slams the basketball into the hoop. More men are able to dunk than women. Their games attract more audiences. Is it because women have less sporting ability? Not so. It is because the courts and hoop heights are designed keeping the average male height in mind. Ideally the hoops should be higher for men, given that the average male height across countries is more than that of their female counterparts.For example, in 2020, the average male height in the USA is 175.3 cm and the average female height is 161.5 cm and in India it is 166.3 cm and 152.6 cm respectively. This difference holds across all countries and is significant. Though allowances are made for male competitors with lower weight categories in certain sports, this thinking has not extended fully to factoring in gender. Structural parameters remain the same whether it is swimming pools or games courts or hoop heights.
Women earn less in sports events partly because they are judged on standards calculated for masculine weight and height. While this has probably caused them to excel more, the talent required to do this has not been well acknowledged. 

In the armed services, there are ongoing discussions on whether women are fit for actual combat roles or not. There is no doubt they are. With the sophisticated weaponry available, one doesn’t necessarily have to be physically very strong to handle it, though strength may be a desirable asset otherwise. Good, sharp reflexes and training are what is needed. The issues are actually more about logistics and additional infrastructure that the military will have to provide along with the patriarchal reluctance to taking orders from a woman.

To understand this argument better, one need only to look at rural areas where women do considerable heavy lifting, be it lugging water, grass or firewood. They carry enormous bundles on their heads. This has not changed even now, when many men are present at home. Men rarely lend a hand with these demanding physical chores in their own homes. If women can be relied upon to do the heavy lifting of several kilograms at home, why cannot they be entrusted with lighter rifles? 

The bias against women has crept in a little into our laws. If we see the debate raging around abortion we find that the legal system chiefly focuses on ‘independent rights of a foetus’ versus the mother’s right over her own body.
Why should the advocates of a foetus’ independent right to life not debate equally energetically its right to enjoy the lifelong protection and financial assistance of its father as well? Why is the concern and care limited largely to its being born? Even in the case of unwed parents, there are laws in some states that accord the biological fathers some custodial rights over the child though he is not married to the child’s mother. Conversely, however, on the subject of abandonment of the family by the biological father, the onus rests on the spouse to file a specific case. My daughter, a law student, shared some research on how mothers are even retrospectively made accountable to the foetus in some cases in USA and elsewhere. In the Grodin vs Grodin case from the Michigan court of appeals in 1980 for example, there was an attempt by the child to hold the mother liable for taking Tetracycline antibiotic (prescribed by her doctor) during pregnancy which caused the child’s teeth to become discoloured as a result.
There are thus people who seek to curtail a woman’s rights over her own body, snatch away her privacy and her choices and even cast aspersion on the legendary maternal instinct she shares with the members of her sex. Meanwhile, there is scant debate on the responsibility of older males producing children, even when medical journals inform us that the offspring of older fathers (more than 35 years of age) have reduced fertility and an increased risk of birth defects, some cancers, and schizophrenia. Instead, of being held negligent in any way, men are lauded for their ‘virility’ even at an old age.

The legal system thus does not seem to pin equal responsibility on the father as a parent. The norms of society end up placing additional stresses on women at the most vulnerable period of their lives – during pregnancy. A woman may be battling daily fatigue and nausea. The nearest good quality gynecological care may be available only very far away. The woman is often not supported with help in daily chores or ensuring she has the best nutrition. Sometimes, she is even blamed for being careless if she accidentally slips or gets hurt. Far less emphasis is laid on the conduct of the father in maintaining a peaceful and harmonious environment at home during the pregnancy. At work, women lose out on wages and career growth when they exceed the stipulated period of maternity leave. Why can’t the government make it a point to create adequate jobs that women can execute from home? Why must women pay a heavier economic price than men for the privilege of parenthood?

 Recently, there was a case of a pregnant student activist seeking bail. Pregnancy was not accorded a special ground for consideration of temporary bail for her. It is well established that pregnancy can carry risks to the life of the mother and needs special care. This is reflected in many areas; insurance companies do not agree to new insurance for a pregnant woman till after the post-delivery discharge; pharmaceutical companies clearly state on drug labels whether a drug will harm the foetus if taken during pregnancy etc. When the welfare of companies and fetuses can be factored in, why must women have to fight for concessions for themselves before the judiciary?

We must recognize all these prevalent subtle and overt biases if we seek to establish a holistic ‘new normal’ way of life that is equitable. Will the ongoing pursuits of those working towards gender equality slowly usher in a more just ‘new normal’ or will it need the advent of a magic vaccine? Without factoring in the critical aspect of gender, we will simply be lurching from one abnormal state to another.

(The writer is a Delhi-based medical practitioner)

Whose Sentence is it anyway ?

 The Statesman, 19 January 2020

Every evening at 8 pm, the same poignant scene unfolds outside the apartments in sector 19, Dwarka, where Nirbhaya’s parents currently live. Some RWA members and Nirbhaya’s parents stand with lit candles for an hour in the cold, reminding the country’s institutions, in their usual dignified manner, that justice still eludes them at the end of seven long years. They have been holding this evening vigil for 31 days now and will continue to do so till the culprits are dealt with as per their sentence. The group of candle bearers is growing daily. Other satellite groups have formed, in solidarity with Nirbhaya’s parents.

 What is unacceptable is the way the criminals are exploiting one legal loophole after another, right under the gaze of lawyers and government. Three different courts, the Sessions court, the High court as well as the Supreme Court examined the case in detail over several months and reached the same unanimous verdict of the death penalty in 2017. The law allows the filing of mercy and curative petitions after such a penalty as well as the ability to apply for presidential pardon - but within a ‘reasonable time frame’. Secure in the knowledge that our legal system is tardy, the criminals were caught napping for two years. Now that the date of their execution has been declared, they are filing one petition after another. Since most petitions and PILs on a common topic are clubbed together, it also seems a miscarriage of justice to allow criminals to file their applications serially rather than collectively. Are we to understand that a victim who is gang raped by a larger number of people must expect a longer delay before justice is awarded? The judicial system must not be allowed to be subverted to give such dreaded criminals one undeserving chance at delay after another. When the same courts and government are dragging their heels over possible violations of constitutional rights of citizens a such as those protesting peacefully against CAA/NRC/NPR implementation, as well as the citizens of Kashmir; giving these people who have indulged in such a monstrous act so much judicial leeway is palpably unfair. The Central  government has demonstrated the ability to effect changes almost overnight such as in the case of demonetization and abrogation of article 370 (which was complicated and fraught with constitutional implications). Given this background it is incomprehensible how the combined might of the Central and State governments is not able to provide justice to a forlorn, long suffering, anguished mother and father even at the end of seven years in a proven case of rape and murder.

There is a worldwide debate on whether the death penalty stands scrutiny and there are strong arguments for and against. Suffice it to say that our Indian legal system currently allows the death penalty to be prescribed for the rarest of rare cases. Rather than discussing that aspect, I would rather like to draw your attention to the ‘sentence’ meted out by criminals to innocent citizens for no fault of theirs.

When our citizens’ group first met Nirbhaya’s parents a year or two after the December 2012 incident, one of the things that Badriji her father said, are etched vividly in my memory. He said ‘I nearly lost one more member of my family that year’. The allusion was of course to a grief and depression so deep that it can kill a person. It is by no means easy to deal with such a great loss. Asha ji would agonize for years afterwards about the fourteen odd days she spent with Nirbhaya in the hospital when Nirbhaya was in a critical condition. She would keep remembering her desperate desire to give in to her daughter’s request of just one sip of water, which she couldn’t, given the doctors’ strict instructions to the contrary. The mental trauma and stress which the family has undergone is tremendous. Even then, they have got back on their feet and work towards justice and empowerment for all girls. Does this long suffering mother and father duo not deserve the court and government’s empathy and support? Should they be standing day in and day out in the cold while the criminals explore one legal remedy after another, wasting the taxpayers and courts’ time and money? What makes these remorseless persons who inflicted such cruelty on Nirbaya so special that we provide them chance after chance to keep challenging their richly deserved and ethically and legally arrived at sentence? Why are governments mulling the political advantages and timing of addressing such a grave travesty of justice rather than mitigating the suffering of the parents? When will everyone gracefully acknowledge the verdict arrived at by all the courts? 

When we consider the struggle of a victim of sexual assault in India, their agony is compounded multiple times after the incident, which does not allow them to put it behind them easily. The difficulties begin right from the time when the FIR is filed. Dealing with insensitive and brusque officials, makes the victim feel worse. Mental counseling is rarely provided. Then come years of court appearances where some of the illiterate victims, do not even fully comprehend the court proceedings and just get the feeling that they are being given one date of extension after another as the case drags on. The defense lawyers of the accused often are brutal in the cross examination. Somehow casting aspersion on the victim’s character is a cheap and popular ploy.

At home, the victim has no respite. Often insensitive neighbours avoid interacting with a ‘violated’ girl or are intimidated by the families of the accused into not meeting the victim. The relatives of the accused, sometimes abetted by the local officials put pressure on the victim to withdraw the case by bullying and threats. The victim and their family thus live in fear and constant dread. Often, they have lifelong gynaecological or other medical problems for which they need to be on prolonged treatment and medication. Some spend a lifetime on antidepressants. Many lose out on a promising career. 

Instead of focusing on the human rights of criminals, why do we not vociferously argue about the right to life and liberty of the victim as guaranteed by article 21 of our Constitution ? Or the human right against cruelty in the Universal Declaration ? It is truly ironical how those who brutally violate the rights of another clamour for their own rights to be protected and are listened to with a great show of fairness.

Those adults who commit these heinous crimes know full well that it is punishable with severe sentences.It is their conscious choice to tempt judicial fate. But what of innocent citizens who are sentenced to a lifetime of mental agony, physical trauma or lose their lives ? Did they deserve such a sentence ? Are they getting any chances at being whole and healed again ? Not so. Then why an inordinate number of chances for depraved humans indulging in heinous acts?

The resources in a democracy should be focused on the greatest good for the greatest majority. Sadly there is a tendency for reasons of sensationalism to direct these resources, our time and empathy towards an undeserving handful of the worst behaved citizens. It is time that this thinking changed.

It is time for the victims to be supported instead. Simply, by thinking of them for a change.

The Virtues of Vices

 The Statesman, Sunday, 28 January



In religious discourses, we often hear that the five vices we should avoid are Kam (lust), Krodh (anger), Lobh (greed), Moh (attachment) and Ahankar (ego).

However, these emotions are as natural as love and friendship. A wonderful book by renowned psychologist, Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estes, titled Women who run with the Wolves made the point that many of the psychological problems in women – and to a lesser extent in men, stemmed from the fact that society discouraged them from expressing themselves in a natural way.

There were a great number of impositions and codes of behavior laid down and adhering to the more rigid of these artificial impositions created psychological stress and complexes in women. The onus of conducting themselves correctly – and these notions of correctness were often spelt out by men – was disproportionately loaded against women.

Nature and science place a lot of emphasis on homeostasis and balance for optimum functioning of an organism. Even spiritual texts extol the benefits of moderation. The ‘middle path’ is well highlighted in Buddhism as are a balance of Yin/Yang in Daoism.

Though there is a fair amount of emphasis on overcoming ‘negative’ emotions and subduing them to a great extent, I personally believe, like many others do, in a beautiful balance of forces being the key to a healthy life. Not accepting these qualities as positive contributors to our psyche and health may actually lead to imbalances. I feel these five emotions have a very important role to play in our lives and their worth cannot be ignored.

Let us examine some of these emotions:

Look at the feelings of very young children. Innocent children sound nothing but sweet when their sense of envy with their sibling makes them tell their parents accusingly ’you love him/her more!’ Or just watch the way your little pet jumps onto your lap and places its snout into your hand when you are talking to your children lovingly. It seems to say, ‘it’s my turn- play with me now, not with them!’ This pure and clean form of envy and desire doesn’t seem unhealthy in a child or a pet. It acts as a signal to the parent that the child is merely seeking reassurance.
The parents are often able to successfully provide this reassurance and this leads to a feeling of security and confidence in the child. If the child did not express these feelings, it may end up feeling quietly hopeless in its own mind. Conversely, if parents and caregivers communicate with the child and proffer reassurance, it is more likely to grow up to be a fairly confident and secure adult.

Attraction or attachment to a person you love can be quite healthy in moderation. Thinking about others and their welfare is a highly desirable emotion. Putting others before self is a rare quality, not easily found in the atmosphere of selfishness prevalent today. Moreover, at a community level, it is extremely important for the community and for its members to be interested and engaged deeply with one another. It is a true manifestation of the spirit of ‘the world is one family’. It is also far better than being obsessed with oneself.

When one is asked to look inward, it is more with the idea of examining one’s shortcomings, recognising them and working to eliminate them. Sadly, many are not able to cross the first step itself and ‘looking inwards’ tends to merely veer towards narcissism.

Similarly, anger can be an excellent watchdog in alerting a person to the need for self-defense. It is usually thoughtless or unkind actions or disappointments that evoke this in us. We can use anger as a valuable guide and catalyst that spurs us to action. I often think that women have taken Gandhiji’s advice of ‘turning the other cheek’ more seriously than their male counterparts.

They should stand up for themselves and others more often when confronted with abuse and unkindness. Anger, if interpreted and controlled correctly can be an excellent stimulus for goading one towards working for social justice, for making things right.

It was the anger of a nation when Nirbhaya was so brutally gang raped, that led to sweeping changes in the way sexual assault was viewed and handled in our country. It is anger at the prevalent patriarchy that has led to a sustained movement for equal representation of men and women in the Indian parliament for a full 21 years (though the goal is currently unattained). One must not quickly flare up in anger, and not be consumed by it certainly, but it is an excellent red flag – an internal indicator that drives change.

David Steindl Rast, a modern philosopher of our times has eloquently pointed out in his book ‘The Listening Heart – the Spirituality of Sacred Sensuousness’ that spirituality and austerity do not necessarily go hand in hand and we must celebrate our ability to appreciate the richness of experiences, sensual ones included.

Excess of anything is bad, even perhaps virtue. I would, however, make an exception for love and friendship. I feel strongly and sincerely that one can never have enough of both of these!

Accepting our emotions fully and releasing them in a controlled manner may be healthy in the long run. Avoidance of these so-called negative emotions may lead to their erupting suddenly and unexpectedly in unsatisfactory ways.

The writer is a Delhi-based medical practitioner.

Reading between lines of inequity

 Statesman August 2017

As a medical practitioner with a keen interest in gender-related social work, I often end up counselling patients on social challenges they may be facing.
This is because people commonly open up to doctors about various aspects of their lives, since a doctor is usually seen as a neutral and sympathetic professional. Apart from clear cut medico legal cases, one often senses that things are not right, when for example, a bruise is unexplained, even though the patient may not be forthcoming about the background history.

Here’s a glimpse of what I sometimes read between the lines when patients come to me:

Occasionally, I get a parent who winds up the description of his small daughter’s ailment and his concern about her future with this sentence “after all, Dr Sahib, she belongs to the tribe of girls”. In my mind I can immediately sense the pall of gloom in the parents’ thoughts and my heart goes out silently to the little girl.

I try to visualize the environment this child must be growing up in. An innocent little girl, carefree by nature, brought up in surroundings where everyone around is acutely aware that she belongs to the ‘tribe of girls’ and the implications that go along with it.One can imagine that her parents and relatives are careworn and weary; uncomfortable with the burden of bringing up a female child. They feel weighed down about being responsible for her safety in a world of rapacious men and perhaps falling into financial debt at a later stage when the girl is to be married.The father probably magnifies it all in his mind and drinks away his sorrows. Usually the presence of a small child invokes a feeling of indulgence in the hearts of adults nearby and the child senses that affection.
Imagine a child that grows up in an environment where it feels that its presence is contributing towards triggering anxiety in the mind of adults. Such a child is bound to have low self-esteem, feelings of anxiety transmitted from the parents as well as all sorts of complexes.


The father needs support and counseling as well. He does not have the maturity and acceptance or even the confidence that he can be an adequate father.Social ills like dowry affect men in equal measure since men are usually the ones who have to pay the huge financial sums involved in dowry transactions and this can easily land them in debt. So, for the father, it is emotional as well as financial anxiety.It needs to be defined and taught as to what sort of environment is to be created at home so that the child can truly blossom and reach its full potential.

 Likewise, a whole lot of thoughts flip through my mind when an illiterate woman comes for an eye check up and the husband condescendingly says ‘she cannot read”. It is sad to know that the woman is usually the only such individual in the family, as the children go to school and are getting an education.I often ask the family outright why they cannot take time out from their studies/ retired life respectively and teach her for just half an hour every day. They themselves would be surprised at how easily adults pick up reading and writing. Last year, on Mother’s day, we had run a small campaign to try and encourage children to teach their mothers.We tried to co-opt principals to facilitate this. People focus on educating the young but why should a generation of adult women be condemned to illiteracy?

Recently, a lady came to me and begged me to attend to her quickly otherwise she would get a scolding from her mother-in-law for staying out too long. I was incredulous; how could her mother-in-law assume that she would hang around longer at the doctor’s intentionally?
The lady further narrated how she had wanted to show her children and herself for a long time but was not encouraged to leave the house nor did anyone in the joint family agree to accompany her to the doctor.
This upset me on several counts. Firstly, in the mother-in-law’s overwhelming desire to dominate the daughter-in-law and curb her activities, the children’s health was being overlooked. In the larger context I thought about how the family system can end up exploiting women. It seems that men have three tiers of help – the domestic staff, the wife and often the doting parents, as in joint families, the married couple stays in the boy’s house. In the case of a lady she often has only the support of the domestic staff, or in some cases, no support at all. What is painful is that whatever little energy she has, goes into fending off an unwelcome and often patriarchal environment.
It never ceases to amaze me, that even with these multiple layers of support, men earn more and are lauded for their achievements whereas keeping the relatively limited resources of the woman in mind, it is her victories that are all the more commendable.Women do a lot of balancing between chores, children and professional duties and it can lead to mental and physical stress.In contrast, men often focus on just their professional work. Yet at work, men and women have the same sort of targets which they must deliver on. In today’s world, given the complex multitasking a woman is compelled to do both at home and the office, her achievements are truly impressive.

Occasionally, there are female patients who, despite being knowledgeable and articulate, don't get a chance to speak to the doctor at all, because their well-meaning relatives just take charge and describe the woman's entire illness to the doctor. In a patriarchal society women often are suppressed and their personalities not allowed to develop.
The only place where such women can actually speak freely might likely be with their small children at home, since they don't get to socialize much. For a nation that prides itself on the garrulous and argumentative nature of its citizens, these women seem to have missed out on this mainstream pastime.

Interacting with patients on a daily basis and reflecting on what they are experiencing, brings to mind the obvious question: how do we help alleviate their problems?
There are two national debates raging currently, one on the misuse and influencing of police personnel by powerful leaders and the second on the dilution of laws protecting women.
These have highlighted how even some of the institutions created to help the public do not provide adequate succour to women in their time of need and distress. Perhaps the answer lies in ensuring there are a large numbers of women legislators in the National parliament to keep social issues pertaining to women firmly in the forefront and help solve them.

Women deserve better choices

The Statesman, April 10, 2017


I read a wonderful article on shelter homes in Afghanistan by Rafia Zakaria some days ago. What really struck me was her observation that though the shelters had been a boon for many suffering women, this thought was often not echoed by the local men as they felt that providing such a refuge contributed to fostering ‘disobedience ‘ in women. If women did not have these alternatives, they would more likely ‘conform’.

In a world where a woman’s happiness is not high priority, ‘alternatives’ is a word that fills you with the promise of hope. It suggests a plethora of choices. It reveals another way of doing things, of taking ‘the road less travelled by’ as described by the poet Robert Frost in his beautiful poem. This brings us to the question of how to create more alternatives for women, to enable a greater number to realize their potential and lead a better quality of life.

Here are diverse examples of some imaginative alternatives created for women: Day long crèches for labourers’ children are run by the NGO, Mobile Crèches. At these centers, typically close to construction sites, labourers can leave their children in safe hands while they work. There are teachers who educate the older children and caregivers who ensure that the babies stay well fed and healthy. The labourers can work sans worry and the family can enjoy the benefits of a double income as the mother does not have to mind the kids throughout the day.

Some companies have Vishaka guidelines in the workplace i.e. they have well established procedures for dealing with sexual harassment. This commitment to creating an enabling environment for women attracts more women to jobs and thus makes them eligible for a salary.

Similarly, making safe transport arrangements for women at night gives them the option to work late shifts The national airline, Air India, recently decided to allocate an area of seating for women exclusively on their flights. This was because some women felt uncomfortable when co- passengers leaned onto them or misbehaved in other ways.
The step was controversial; some welcomed it, and some saw it as being regressive in that it segregated the sexes further. It was, however, a gesture full of kind intent - a move to create an alternative for women who were afraid to speak up publicly if harassed by a copassenger.

Similarly, there are an increasing numbers of choices for rural folk as well: like self help citizens’ groups where local community members support each other. Sometimes, just providing safe, concrete, enclosed toilets is all it takes to make a place conducive to a woman to spend long hours there.

Despite such initiatives, there is a long way to go, and women especially, need the creation of several more alternatives so that they are not compelled to lead a life of deprivation, unfulfilled potential and misery.

Here are some suggestions, of which some are already in place but unutilised fully and some which can be worked upon. One of the most important alternatives we need to tap in a big way and institutionalise is a safe lifelong shelter each one of us is born with: our parental home.
All parents must be sensitised to offer this universal alternative to their daughters, throughout their lives. If they can share their houses with their son and his family, what prevents them from doing so with their daughter? Many women put up with an abusive husband because they have nowhere to turn to. I am not sure why we keep looking for shelter homes for survivors of domestic violence when they have living parents. It is also surprising why parents would let social pressures cloud the fiercest love in nature - parental love?

Similarly, women need concrete ways to be able to stand on their own feet.
To this end, companies and chambers of commerce can step in. Instead of allocating funds for various CSR projects, they can instead reserve 5 per cent jobs for vulnerable women or those in need of shelters. Such a gesture is an excellent investment for the company too. It gives more permanent rehabilitation to a human being than a temporary project may provide and once such persons are back on their feet, they are grateful to the company and likely to exhibit long term loyalty.

Sometimes all women need is some advice from a more experienced person. To this end, the sarpanches in villages can organize the elderly women in the villages to offer a shoulder for the younger women to lean on emotionally. It will make the older women feel useful rather than feeling neglected/abandoned as they often are, and the youngsters, who are under-confident when faced with the uncertainties of life, will be more secure.
This mentor-mentee team will be well suited to face the vicissitudes of local life.

 In urban centres, more professional help is available. Several mental health counseling centers give free services to those who are depressed, like the reputed Sanjivani. Some religions have in- built methods for the lightening of mental loads.
The Christian system of confessionals, for example, served a great purpose. It was a place where you could pour out your deepest guilt and be assured it would be kept confidential.

The most impactful changes would be at the government level - the re-allocation of resources in a big way for citizens.
Several gender resource centres in the capital were shut down recently for lack of funds for paying the staff. This already existing infrastructure should be speedily revived. The women’s representation bill which is pending in Parliament for over 20 years, if passed now, will justly and fairly allow more women to participate in running the country and establishing important rules (about their own as well as others’) welfare.

The task of creating social options for women may appear uphill at times, but an easy way to start is by helping any woman close to you multiply her choices. Each new path created together makes it easier for someone else to walk in that direction. Over time, a tiny path becomes a road well travelled.

Message for woman’s day

Dear friends ,

Mrs Kodian asked me to write down a few words for women's day for her group.The steady work she and her association have been doing in the last couple of years to make Dwarka a safer and cleaner place is truly inspiring for all of us. It makes one realise that there is a lot one can acheive if we put our mind to it. Here is the message which I shared with the group :

Wouldn't it be most rewarding for all of us women if we could discover our full and true potential some day ? But how are we to make it happen ? Reflecting on this brought out these thoughts which I put before you.

“It is never too late to be what you might have been” – is an inspiring quote attributed to George Eliot .

Well , I thought, what if someone had a sports trophy in mind ? Agewise, it may be much past the time where one can truly excel  as an athlete . But then, it occurred to me that one could instead just play the game of life with excellent sportsman spirit. It gives as much satisfaction as momentarily holding up a shining cup does.

In his book “The last lecture”, Prof. Randy Pausch talks about his childhood dreams and explains in a delightful manner how he came to achieve some of them. I thought about my childhood . At a very  tender  age I dreamt of being able to play with water for unlimited periods without being scolded or stopped by any adult. Now, as a doctor, I see one childhood dream coming true every time I have to thoroughly scrub my hands with soap and water before a surgery!

Perhaps one of you always wanted to be a professor and are currently a busy, harried housewife.Try  to remember why you wanted to be a professor in the first place. Did you enjoy reading or love a particular subject ? Was it the thought of moulding young minds or just the academic atmosphere? Once you are able to answer this question correctly to yourself, the rest becomes easier. If you  already have a thorough knowledge of your subject, but don’t want a conventional job ,you could sign up with an NGO in the teaching field ( they are almost always looking for skilled volunteers.) If you want to brush up your experience before embarking on the task, many schools offer learning programmes where you can observe the teachers at work. If not looking for a formal training, you can request a friend who has a school/NGO to let you observe other teachers for a few days. Any combination is possible to ease you back into your chosen field.

Some people wanted to be at the best institutes  and interact with the “brightest minds” in a particular field.  They just didn’t get the chance . I would urge you not to fall into the trap of thinking that good theories are formed only in elite institutes. The most pathbreaking ideas have come from uncluttered minds of diverse backgrounds and inspiration can come from anywhere. A simple question asked by a simple mind may lead to the discovery of the most profound truths. Some women enjoy what they are doing but want to be paid much better for what they do. It would not be an exaggeration to say that 90% of men and women feel that they are underpaid for services rendered. Join the gang !

A friend always wanted to be a nightclub singer.  She was now past forty and had never managed to get behind a mike. Two fears she had prevented her from doing so. According to her , her voice was too raspy and her figure slightly plump . Only her love and knowledge of music matched the glamorous club singers she had grown up hearing and seeing. It was pointed out to her that most singers had predictably melliflous voices , hers being slightly husky, would be a refreshing change. Also, age had lent some gravitas to her comportment which most people would find attractive . As far as tyres around her middle went, there were two aspects. Firstly, it showed how well she represented nature. After all , even trees showed off  their age by adding rings around their trunks ! More to the point, one of her designer friends could easily make her suitable dresses which concealed the bulges. Most importantly, her target audience had also aged alongside her.Our friends were more refined in their tastes, a lot kinder and some, deafer. All this made for a great audience. I think what really clinched it for her was watching the video of Susan Boyle who was ‘discovered ‘ at the age of 47.

So friends, on the occasion of woman’s day, I ask you to just express yourself in any way that makes you happy. Don’t let age or fears or circumstances hold you back. Work with them or around them and achieve what you want to . Or at least live with the satisfaction that you tried !

Wish you all a wonderful woman’s day !!