Eulogy for a grandmother

Our most adored Nani passed away on 7th April two years ago.She left behind a huge treasure trove of wonderful memories which is the richest legacy possible. We were blessed and lucky to have her as our Nani. On the anniversary of her death, I am sharing with you the eulogy I read at her funeral.

We recently visited the Wagah border for the changing of the guard ceremony, and had my trend-setting nani been alive she would have smiled with joy two see two smart young lady soldiers lead the change of guard !

April 7 2010.....

We are gathered here in memory of  Mrs Sushila Tandan, a wonderful lady who left our midst on 7^th April. She died at the age of  87, peacefully, suddenly and in the presence of her loved ones .

Born in 1922 in Aligarh she was a witness to almost an entire century, and adapted remarkably well to the changing times.

Over the years, the lens through which we, her grandchildren, have viewed our greatly loved  nani has changed and matured. As we became older we became increasingly aware of just how privileged we were to have her as our nani.

As small children, we thought our nani was the most glamorous lady and probably the best cook in the whole world. I can still visualise nani in one of her beautiful chiffon saris, moving briskly about the house smelling of a lovely perfume. She would cook these fabulous meals for us, mainly mughlai food, Biryani and Kebabs, and my brother Rahul and I would compete to see who could demolish more of Nani’s cooking. We spent many idyllic summer holidays with Nani/nana where we woke up in the morning to the smell of lovely jasmine flowers which my nana had gathered during his morning walk and lovingly placed on our pillows as we slept. Nani was an expert driver and would drive us to our favourite places in her green Herald (after we could get it to start!). Nani and Nana were very warm and hospitable and there was a constant stream of friends in their house. I remember the pride with which they used to highlight our little accomplishments to their friends. They had instituted a prize for any acheivement, big or small, and my brother and I had built up a little treasure trove of pens and diaries which our doting Nani/nana had given us for our scholarly successes.

 As we grew older, we began to see her as a social being rather than just our nani. From the stories told to us by family and their friends , I gathered that Nani/nana were very progressive and compassionate people. Nani was the first batch of girls in Aligarh to gain an MA in English and Geography during a time when girls were not educated beyond class 8, if at all they were. She told me she had to be very responsible in her behaviour all the time as the slightest slip up could have had a great negative social impact with people commenting “See this is what happens when you educate girls” !  Later, as the wife of a civil servant, she did a tremendous amount of social work specially for the up liftment of rural women. Her welfare model carried out in Lakhimpur Khiri when nana was the district magistrate was greatly appreciated and was replicated in other parts of UP. She was highly active physically and  right till the age of 75, when she suffered a stroke, she was even traveling in trains by herself.

Our multi-faceted Nani was also greatly recognized in her community as a teacher. Generations of girls at Loretto convent lucknow were taught by Mrs Sushila Tandan and by all accounts she was a very popular teacher. She later also taught English at Delhi college of engineering Kashmere gate and her teachers accomodation there was always full of young students and collegues. I spent a lot of time with her and she used to take me to several ghazal concerts with her. She also took me for my very first -movie - ‘Julie “. The experiment was not very successful as every time Julie shed tears on the screen, I would start weeping loudly in the audience. Thereafter we confined ourselves to other activities.

Nani was highly relied upon by all members of the family as she had an outstanding sense of responsibility. When my father was posted in faraway places in his army tenure, it was nani who would drive up to Nainital and bring me home for the summer holidays. All the nuns knew her well. Similarly, when my parents were abroad she helped settle my brother into college. She was an ideal companion to any age group  and was able to stand on pavements and eat roadside food with my brother as effortlessly as any college friend of his. She also came to visit me in AFMC Pune and played the role of a batch grandmother, telling stories late into the night to my friends.

Nani was amazingly well read and well traveled. She had backpacked alone in Europe in her young days and used to tell us wonderful stories of  her travels.

Later, when we got married nani extended her special relationship to our spouses and children. Kapil used to really enjoy discussing various books and current affairs and used to remark on how well read and insightful she was. Yogita used to marvel at how nani, always the ever gracious hostess remembered her favourite food items and made her feel even more special than she would  her own grandchildren. Our kids loved their parnani. Like so many years ago with us, she  now delighted in the acheivements of our children and  very recently she bought a beautiful book on flowers for my daughter who had run very fast on her sports day.

Finally I need to mention how remarkable and courageous my nani was. About twelve years ago, she  was uprooted from her home, lost her husband and sufferd a near fatal accident all in the space of one or two years. All this was not enough to daunt this brave lady. She later suffered a stroke  which left the right half of her body paralysed but this too did not diminish her joie de vivre and she led a full life even in her severely handicapped condition. A great deal of credit for that goes to my mother, family and close friends who were a constant and remarkable support to her when her body was weakened. But her spirit retained an infectious joyousness and she was always very hospitable even from her bed, offering all of us our choicest foods when we went to have a cup of tea with her, engaging in deep discussions on our families and professions, participating in all family and colony functions from her wheelchair.

This remarkable and lovely lady remains a true inspiration and although we had her with us for a long while it never seems enough. A couplet from one of her favourite singer, Mehdi Hassans songs expresses very eloquently the sentiment we feel…. “ Tu jo mila hai , yeh ehsaas hua hai mujhko, yeh meri umr mohabbat ke liye thodi hai ….”

I would like to thank you all very much indeed for being here with us today.